Little miss fussy pants

This is a face I frequently see with Aubrey.  As much as I don't want to admit it, she is a fussy baby.  She likes to be held and she KNOWS when she is no longer in human arms or is about to be put down.  She also likes to eat, like her mom, frequently, and snacks too.  She is only 1 month and has already displayed more habits of her mothers than I could ever imagine :)  My little mini me, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Sleeping has gotten better and although some nights are better than others she loves to sleep on me.  I have to admit, I love it too, I mean why the hell not?  We sleep on the couch so I always keep her on the side where she can not fall on the floor.  I trust myself with her in doing so and I have not dropped her or rolled over on her since doing it pretty much from day one.  She just does NOT appreciate sleeping alone and who could blame her, with the heat, touch and closeness of another human being!?!

Some days are worse than others such as last night when nothing made her happy but she also is a happy baby as documented by the picture below:

I have already told my parents "any baby after her will be easy"  In reality though she really isn't that bad at all.  I mean hell I could have a baby 10x worse who cries hours on end or doesn't like anyone but me so really I can't complain too much, I think she is an average fussy baby but for the first time mom seems a little extreme. 

 

So in an attempt to lose this baby weight in a timely manner today I officially weighed in at 10 pounds away from my pre baby weight.  I am really proud of myself.  I also have Ginelle to thank for making me some really awesome and healthy dishes and not giving me a reason to eat like shit.  I do have to admit I have at least 1 ice capp with whipped cream on it every day and one day I even had 2, which was the day after I gloated because I didn't get another, lmao yeah the next day I was super pissed off and realized I deserved one.  Overall I have been tracking what I have been eating, but not being obsessive.  I have been tracking calories but not being obsessive.  I feel really good about all of these things because the old me had a huge eating disorder and although I understand it will never go away having Aubrey has definitely make it so much better.  I realized that I was consuming WAY too much sugar and it could have been why she was being so fussy at night and not sleeping well.  I feel bad for 3 weeks I ate like shit and basically so did she. 

 

I have been walking with her a lot more than usual and along with the better eating habits it has been going well.  I have been trying to go a few times a week for at least 30 minutes and this week I made it out 3x hoping to get out tomorrow if it doesn't rain. 

 

It's so crazy how in so little time I have come to know my babys cues, her cries and have been able to distinguish what she wants/needs.  I have also successfully learned that in order to go to the store I have to time it just perfectly so that the car ride makes her fall asleep.

 

I am still so in love her with and have been highly considering be a SAHM for the majority of the time.  I am going to go back to work for my dad in the next few weeks 2-3 days max and my fiancé and I are trying to figure out how to make it work.  For the purpose of being extremely real and not putting out a bunch of fake shit, I am going to take the test to be licensed in NYS for my LMSW and this is not to say I won't ever work again in my life but for no taking care of my LO is the only thing I really want to do and feel passionate about other than my fitness life which is coming back at just the perfect pace.

 

Things might not always be in the right place, things may not go my way and there may be ups and downs but I am truly blessed and thankful for everyone and everything that I have! 

Pure Happiness

On Monday August 12th, 2013 Aubrey Vance St.Laurent was born at 12:50pm and my life changed forever.  I previously put my birthing experience on another blog so I will not re-hash that.  I never knew that finally having her in my arms would change my perceptions on everything.  I was always the one to say "I will never be a stay at home mom" but that day, every time I looked at her I cried.  3 weeks later and I still cry. 

I have never in my life cried so many happy tears.  She is amazing and since I am EBF (exclusively breast feeding) I am starting to see the bond that we are creating.  Being an EBF mother has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, feeding on demand, sometimes every half hour for 45 minutes other times every hour for a half hour, never really the same.  I am beyond sleep deprived as she will only sleep 1.5 hours, 2 max during the night but I wouldn't change any of it.  She makes time slow down for me, makes me realize how precious every second of life is, makes me appreciate every moment of life, the good and the bad and makes me realize life is not a race and there is no need to think about tomrorow when all we have is right now and although sometimes I get crabby, I am genuinely happy with life...finally.

I also got engaged!!!!!!!!!!

Life seriously couldn't be any better right now.  I love being a mom and now I am a fiancé and have a fiancé! It's so crazy! I am so blessed and so thankful for the life I have!

So....25 days have passed and I will say this if it's one MAJOR thing I have learned for the next child I have is to be smart like my friend Carmen and pre make a shit ton of meals for when I come home because there is just NO time to do any of that.  Andrew and I lived off of pizza and baked goods for a long time, my water intake decreased and my diet went to shit basically, no sugar coating it because I consumed a crap load of enough sugar everyday  to make me wonder why Aubrey is fussy some days, because she gets what I give and lately it has not been good.

This new blog is to identify some things I need to change so I can be a fit and sexy mom and possibly compete again, but more than likely not until next year if I do decide to do it.  Since I am EBF I can not afford to be on a crazy ass diet so my goal is to get healthy, and thanks to my good friend Ginelle I have a head start because she made me sooooo much clean food!  I am so grateful for her and all of the friends I have that care.  I am also so  thankful for my fiancé being able to take demands with a flinch and doing everything he can to make sure I have what I need and my daughter and I are happy.

I haven't weighed myself since last week but so far am down about 20 pounds since giving birth and need to ditch another 14 to get to pre pregnancy weight.  If I do 1 pound a week I can meet that goal by my birthday! 

Goals
- Down 20 pounds by my (30th-ahhhhh) birthday 12/5/2013
-be able to see visible difference via photos
-drink at LEAST the minimal amount of water each day (eight 8oz glasses), crazy that I used to drink a gallon a day, I would go crazy trying to do that now because trips to the bathroom are far and few inbetween with a newborn
-healthy meals as much as possible but not breaking down if I have a treat here and there
-take it day by day
-positive affirmations
-continue to take life slow and appreciate every moment